Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Quickie Reviews: The Accountant, Oujia 2 and Trolls

Hello everyone and Happy Late Halloween cause I'm a very late person (story of my life) as October is over while looking back at all the amazing movies released last month... Oh wait, Shin-Godzilla was the only worthy film throughout October... Fuck me. Yep, October for movies has been pretty boring or bad from the unnecessary Inferno film (After the insanity that was Angels & Demons, who the hell wanted this?) to another Madea movie making more money cause audiences are gullible dumbasses who are easy to manipulate by making stereotypical black jokes with a black guy on a fat black woman suit which leds to Tyler Perry making more of these movies. So yeah, I didn't watch that many movies on October but I did catch a few and here are my Quickies for each one in no order. Sit back, read and have fun.


"Meet the lead character you want to strangle with her magic hair for the entire runtime of the movie"

You know the movie Shark Tale? Of course you don't cause we don't want to acknowledge the film's existence. Sadly, Dreamworks brought those horrible memories back with Trolls, a film based off the toys from the 90's filled with pop songs celebrities and a so-called story about "finding your happy place". Trolls is a film that perfectly describes my hatred for how nurtured modern animation in the West has become: Cover songs that don't move the story forward or ruin the charm or freshness of the original songs, gorgeous animation wasted on such a manipulative story while celebrities pander to the audience by yelling "BE HAPPY" through the whole movie, characters yelling as a personality trait and celebrities just phoning their lines cause they're famous. It's such a pile of horseshit, critics are actually praising this film as "fun" and "genuine" as if this movie has anything meaningful to say to the audience and with Dreamworks going all Minions now (it's now owned by Comcast/Universal AKA Chris Meladandri), it seems the studio is fucked regarding creativity or genuine effort in their films. Thus the mighty king falls.

The Accountant:

"He's gonna take you back to the past! To eradicate the shitty films he's starred!"

Ben Affleck had a pretty rough year but that doesn't mean his talents were wasted for nothing and that goes to The Accountant, the film about an autistic man who's a badass killer tracking his target by using their bank records against him while the FBI are tracking him down. Despite the film having a very generic main plot, it's saved by Ben Affleck's top notch performance and an interesting story regarding the main character himself. What I like about the film is the main character cause while he is the mysterious badass we've seen in countless spy thrillers, I really like the scenes where we explore the humanity within this man as we see how he maintained his autistic side when people are around him and seeing himself relive those memories of his childhood are one of the film's best moments that do stick out from the mediocre main plot of the film. Even his action scenes are really damn fun and the interactions between him with other characters is really solid. The problem with The Accountant is these great ideas are stuck in a narrative we all seen before as the film treads along the predictable plot like a spoiled kid dragging his math book to his next class while being a pouty whiner the way through and the ending felt too rushed instead of taking it's time resolving the conflict the first half did very well. Overall, It's a fine little movie with good ideas being shunned for the sake of a predictable main plot and just feeling too standard of a thriller route movie.

Ouija 2 Origin Of Evil:

"LUCY! It's time for your hand-job class!

Wowie! A sequel to a movie everyone hated! Honestly, I never bothered with the first Ouija film cause it looked like shit and guess what? It was shit but made money cause people are easily manipulated by loud noises and thus a prequel was born but made by the same guys who did Oculus, a film I still find the better Blumhouse film out of all the films the company made, and decided to give the film a chance. Boy, what a mistake that was Ouija 2 is the same crappy movie as the first one. Characters being stupid for the sake of being stupid, plot holes appearing out of nowhere without context or be excuses for things to go spooky in the night and sappy dramatic moments that don't feel honest or genuine but come off as manipulative as a chick who can't take criticisms like an adult while lashing out at her fanbase for being sexist monsters (wonder who could that be). Any positives? Well, the film looks nice with the 60's setting and there's less jumpscares now... Still can't save this movie from being a massive fucking borefest to sit through. Bring on Ouija 3: The Evil Within My Intestines And Testicles in 3D!

Trolls: 0/5
The Accountant: 3/5
Ouija 2 Origin Of Evil: 1/5


  1. I haven't seen Trolls, but I don't plan to nor do I seem to need to in order to witness the horror that us Trolls. Just from the trailer I could tell it was going to be the epitome of all the worst and most annoying tropes of animation.
    The whole "BE HAPPY, SADNESS BAAAAD" message seems to be a contradiction to last year's Inside Out. In fact Trolls almost seems like propaganda made for the people of BRAVE NEW WORLD. I also suggest you watch Jim Gisriel's review of Trolls because he nails down just what is wrong with the movie.

    1. *worst and most annoying tropes of western animation to be more precise.